Nisar Sufi’s
Mission Possible - Ghost Photoshop
(Parody of Mission Impossible – Ghost Protocol)
-The Most Awaited Parody of ALL Time-
Plot
Agent Hassam’s WTF team is framed by Russian terrorists on a count of blowing up the Kremlin. Now WTF must unite again and stop this organization before they launch a nuclear war with the States.
Praise
‘’Better than the original.’’ – Tom Cruise.
‘’I hope Nisar Mustafa parodies my Don 2.’’ – SRK.
‘’Defies even the Laws of my Physics.’’ – Rajinikanth.
‘’Astounding, admirable and all the other complicated words for AWWsum in the British language. – BBC.
‘’WTF!’’ – Gulf News.
‘’FTW!’’ – Khaleej Times.
‘’’Sexiest story from the sexiest writer.’’ – Humaima Malik.
Intro
Budapest, Hungary.
Two men in suits were chasing an American on top a tall building. The paused near the edge to shoot the enemy with their pistols.
The American jumped off the roof (miraculously missing all the bullets) and turned in mid-air to shoot them straight in the cock.
He turned around again to almost meet the ground but he landed on a large balloon that had shot up from his balls. It helped save him falling to his death then it burst and he went flying off the entrance of the alley between that building and another.
He got up, dusted off his suit and started walking through the alleyway. A blonde woman was walking towards him. They gave each other a smile when suddenly the agent’s alarm started ringing: ‘’You dumbass she’s an ASSASSin!’’
Before he could take out his gun the assailant kicked him in the balls. The shen bent down with him, ran her nose down the side of his neck smelling the cologne, and left him for a sexually harassing death.
Chapter1
Moscow, Russia.
A heroic looking man was trying to jerk off in his cell.
‘’Come on, come on!’’ He yelled at himself or more precisely his fucking dick.
He was knelt down over the toilet seat. There were no women or even pictures of them allowed in the prison. So the hero had told another inmate to use Photoshop and change his appearance.
He looked at the poster on the wall. He was wearing a bikini with super-huge boobs, blonde hair and pink cheeks with a girlish smile.
This is not gay, he though reassuringly.
He had to jerk off every month. It was a habit like cigarettes but at least the smoke came out easily.
There were noises of a brawl in the hallways. The hero disappointingly pulled up his jeans and headed towards the iron bars. Just as he reached them they opened all of a sudden.
The American knew who was doing this. He went outside and looked up at the camera on the wall above the gate to the next sector.
‘’Hassam I finally found your cell.’’ Obaid said from the van outside.
Hassam didn’t hear him because the software geek wasn’t connected to the speakers.
He was controlling the prison gates now, Hassam signaled for him to open the next gate.
‘’But you have to go the other way dumbass.’’ Obaid said from his control room.
Hassam signaled to Obaid that he would give him a knuckle sandwich if he didn’t open the gate.
‘’No way man.’’ Obaid shook his head.
Hassam signaled to his penis and made a hole by his hand.
‘’Okay fine mate. I don’t want to catch AIDS!’’ He pressed the button on his MacBook.
Agent Hassam was walking through the next sector and between dozens of fighting inmates. He found a cell at the far end. A muscular woman stepped out of the room, Hassam realized she was actually a black man wearing a girly dress with flowers with a black wig.
He went outside frightfully and entered the cell. He found his friend hiding under the lowe bunk.
‘’Fathe come out.’’ He said in Russian.
‘’Where are we going?’’ He asked.
‘’To freedom.’’
Hassam turned around to miss the sissy man snatch his cock off. He gave he/she a punch on the check and he/she fell down.
‘’And also after freedom. I’m gonna get a metal condom.’’ Hassam said.
No wonder he wasn’t allowed to take English Literature in high school. Hassam found an out cold prison guard on the floor outside the room. He took his handcuffs and chained himself and Fathe together.
‘’Why did you do this?’’ The Russian asked.
‘’So that we can fight together.’’
‘’But I can’t-‘’
Hassam ducked from a prisoner’s punch and the blow hit Fathe’s nose. Hassam walked along the wall like the Prince of Persia and kicked the inmate right on the kisser.
‘’See you helped.’’ Hassam said.
They ran through the prison but found a guard stuck between one of the gates. Hassam signaled to Agent Obaid to open all of the gates. He did so and the two men ran for their lives.
Hassam jumped as one guard tried to hit him with a metal stick and it landed between Fathe’s legs. After beating some guards and brutally damaging Fathe’s umm… everything, they were out of the prison.
‘’Deepika blow the exits of the prison. Hassam has left the building.’’ Obaid told her through the mic.
‘’Roger that.’’ She ignited the wire and it went through the upper tunnel from underground.
Chapter2
Hassam saw 2 vans outside the prison. One was white and the other black but they were the same model.
He decided to go to the black van but was hit by the white’s door on the balls as somebody pushed it open.
‘’Come on.’’ Agent Deepika urged.
The four of them were inside the van and heading to a safe road with loads of traffic.
‘’Just about time,’’ Hassam said sarcastically putting on a dark-brown leather jacket.
‘’Look we couldn’t find you. We needed to think of a plan to extract you too.’’ Agent Deepika told him.
‘’How do you say thank you in Indian?’’ A Russian accent asked.
‘’What the-‘’ Hassam looked over his shoulder to see Fathe paying Black Ops Zombies
‘’Hey get off my PS3 mate.’’ Obaid said from the driver’s seat.
Hassam snatched the controller from Fathe’s hand. ‘’This is Ghost Protocol’s parody. Do you want those fuckers at Activision (games company) suing our asses?’’
‘’Are you not Russian?’’ Fathe asked with puppy-dog eyes.
‘’I’m sorry but I have to do this,’’ he punched him straight on the cheek knocking him out.
They opened the slide door to load him into another van.
‘’’Damn Russians,’’ Deepika said. ‘’I actually wish they’d start that nuclear war.’’
‘’What the fuck!?’’ Hassam yelled this time completing his sentence. ‘’What nuclear war’?’’
‘’This is the story…’’
Some days ago Agent Hassan was sent to retrieve some military codes from Budapest. He had tried to knock out a Russian guy who carrying a briefcase containing information. But after losing the tranquilizer which was hidden inside his stylish emerald ring. He had to paste a sleeping drug over his lips and kiss the Russian, as he was gay, also that in public.
So the Russian fell asleep on one of the benches in the train station. But there were two other men who wanted the codes. He took out the paper and ran as the guys realized he had kissed the Russian (he had lipstick smother on his lips and Hassan was the only one wearing lipstick).
After shooting the two men Hassan proceeded to the alleyway where he was supposed to meet Agent Deepika. But a blonde bitch kicked him in the balls before he could respond to his IPone’s alarm. The woman used a high hell with extended a poisonous blade into his ball-sack.
Agent Deepika and Obaid had found Agent Hassan but it was too late to save or capture the blonde bitch.
‘’Where do you think we can find these codes now?’’ Agent Hassam asked.
‘’I have no idea,’’ Obaid said.
After 1 hour of driving they stopped near a payphone. Hassam got out of the van and dialed a number.
‘’Agent Hassam a new mission has proposed itself.’’ The payphone speaker said after the password was activated. ‘’ A Russian organization is trying to steal the remaining nuclear codes from the Kremlin in Budapest. Your mission is to return them before they get it. Good luck. This message will self-destruct in five seconds.’’
Hassam hung up the phone and walked back towards the van.
‘’Wasn’t it supposed to blow up by now?’’ Agent Obaid asked him.
He and Agent Deepika were standing outside the van.
‘’Excuse me,’’ Hassam crossed Obaid taking out a rocket-launcher from the van then blew the payphone to smithereens.
Chapter3
Agent Deepika was standing outside the Kremlin pretending to be listening to a MP3 player.
‘’Are you guys inside?’’ She asked through her headphones.
‘’Almost just have to walk through the front door.’’ Obaid replied through his mic. ‘’How complicated can that be.’’
‘’Roger that,’’ she said spread bread crumbs for the beautiful Budapest birds.
‘’Excuse me,’’ the receptionist told the two undercover agents dressed as army men in his language.
‘’Is there any problem?’’ Obaid asked. ‘’The General is in a hurry.’’
‘’I need some identification please.’’ The man behind the table outstretched his hand. ‘’It will only take a moment.’’
Agent Hassam handed him a card. His fake fuzzy mustache was itching terribly.
‘’Ah, so you also watch Brazzers.’’ The receptionist told Hassam with his eyes glued to the computer screen. ‘’In my opinion Reality King is a better porno site.’’
‘’My mistake.’’ He had accidentally handed him his credit card.
The receptionist tried the ID card and it matched perfectly. ‘’There you go General.’’
Hassam nodded and walked towards the large open door of the Kremlin.
‘’In my opinion any free site is better than the paid.’’ Obaid told the receptionist before following the fraud General.
‘’They went upstairs and slid against the wall leading to the hallway which had the files directory room.
‘’Did you bring the equipment?’’ Hassam asked Obaid.
‘’Yes, this torch actually produces a sound which will be heard in the distance you aim it.’’ Agent Obaid explained. ‘’So by producing a water drop in the direction of the toilet.’’
He swung the torch little and it produced a fart sound. The man behind the counter at the far end looked under his seat as if to see somebody hiding there.
‘’You said you recorded a water drop. What the fuck is that?’’ Agent Hassam asked.
‘’My mistake while recording the water drop I must’ve accidentally farted.’’
‘’Okay we can still do it, continue’’
Obaid swung the torch. Another fart sound was produced at the end of the hall. The receptionist started to smell the air. The agent mechanically made the sound again and this time the receptionist went inside the washroom at the side.
‘’Now.’’ Hassam whispered the command.
They assembled a device that made the person in front look at the view as no one was there. The visual poster was finally adjusted but Obaid stood up to scratch his cock.
Hassam lowered him so that the guard wasn’t suspicious as he had come back. He thought he had seen something but returned to his desk. He was already seeing flying cocks in his head because he was gay.
Hassam entered the directory room. He checked the locker but the codes were missing.
‘’Gand Gando leader I am about to blow this fucking place off the ground.’’ An unfamiliar voice said into the mics of the three agents.
‘’Who’s that?’’ Obaid questioned.
‘’No one from our team. Let’s get out of here.’’ Hassam ordered.
The message had also passed through Kremlin security. They were all heading to the same hallway.
Obaid changed the virtual display before following Hassam. They saw a middle man carrying a case. Hassam added a greeting and they were outside the Kremlin.
The guards were not even concentrating on finding the bomb. Obaid had left a slide show of famous pornstars on the display. Only the gay guard found out it was a poster so he removed it and they started to find the detonation device.
Obaid ran to get the van along with Deepika from a side exit. Hassam removed his uniform and ran for his life as the entire building blew apart leaving from the front exit.
Chapter4
Hassam woke up with a blurry vision and an ache in his head. He tried to hold his head but he was tied by a patient tag by one hand and a handcuff on the other.
‘’Hello Gand Gando leader.’’ A local man wearing a dark-brown coat stood over him.
‘’What?’’
‘’Don’t play dumb with me American. We have already told your government that one of their own was responsible for the Kremlim explosion. ‘’
The man placed an unlit cigarette between his lips but it was shoved into his ass after he lighted it.
‘’No smoking here.’’’A nurse said in her language.
‘’Oh fuck!’’ The detective yelled angrily rubbing his behind .’’You just gave me a brand new rash on my ass.’’
The nurse took Hassam’s stretcher to a room and left his body with wires attached to a hospital device. The detective was talking to his partner right outside.
‘’Maybe we should give him time to recover.’’ The partner said.
‘’Haven’t you seen these stupid American spy movies?’’ The detective asked frowning. ‘’Whenever you leave them alone they fucking escape.’’
And with that thought both men saw that Agent Hassam was not on his bed.
‘’Bad choice my friend.’’ The detective told them from outside the room window.
Hassam was on the ledge of the exterior of the building. His feet just inches away from the air. Both men looked below where Hassam was standing. There was a giant disposal bin many feet below.
‘’Come back here.’’ The detective told him signaling with his hand.
Hassam nodded then after getting near the detective he took out his belt.
‘’Hey!’’ The detective exclaimed trying to pull up his pants to cover his Barney the Dinosaur underwear.
Hassam used the belt to slide down the thick wire connected to the hospital building and jump down on a passing white van.
The driver came out to check what had happened but another car, an expensive BMW limousine, invited Agent Hassam inside and they left the scene.
‘’Agent Hassam. Can’t say it’s a pleasure.’’ An old man wearing a suit sat in front of him along with a 30something year old man.
It was a cold night outside. They were on a lonely road.
‘’Who are you people?’’ Agent Hassam asked.
‘’I’m the American Embassy Official.’’ The matured man introduced himself. ‘’And this is CIA Analyst Abdullah.’’
Abdullah outstretched his hand but Hassam refused to shake it. ‘’Sorry I was asleep I have no idea where my hands would’ve been while I was dozing off.’’
‘’No problem.’’ Abdullah pulled his hand back.
‘’Thanks Anal-yst.’’ Hassan said and he, the Official and even the driver laughed.
‘’Oh come on. That’s not even hilarious.’’ Abdullah continued.
‘’So kind of you to anal-yse that!’’ The three of them laughed hysterically again.
‘’The American Government has launched Ghost Photoshop.’’ The official told Hassam.
He showed him pictures of him and his teammates labeled FUCKED on his IPhone.
‘’Huh but we didn’t do anything.’’
‘’I believe that Agent Hassam. But for now your team which is called WTF by the US and Gand Gando by the Russians and Hungarians has been officially shut down.’’ The Official explained. ‘’Of course if me and the driver were suddenly shot in the head and that this government-owned limousine wouldn’t have bulletproof glass then you could change the ending of this story.’’
‘’I have no idea what you guys are talking bout.’’ Analyst Abdullah said.
Suddenly, bullets started darting through the car windows.
‘’Get down fuckers!’’ Hassam yelled as the Official was shot in between the eyes from behind two times.
The driver was also shot dead and the car flew into the river keeled over. Dozen police men left their vans and started shooting from the bridge on the fallen vehicle.
‘’We are so dead now!’’ Agent Abdullah exclaimed with fright in their breathing space under the limousine.
‘’I’ve got an idea.’’ Hassam reassured him.
‘’Hold your fire!’’ The leader ordered.
They saw two extremely big tits floating in the water and started drooling with their eyes fixed there.
Hassam and Abdullah were safely behind a wall now.
‘’What did you do?’’ Abdullah asked curiously.
‘’Let’s just say we were lucky that the driver was female.’’ Hassam told him.
They exited the river and ran towards a moving cargo train.
‘’Hurry up enter the code.’’ Abdullah told him taking hold of the door.
Hassam entered the code in the panel some inches away from the door then ran to Abud.
‘’No you have to give a sexual scan.’’ Abdullah explained.
‘’You mean a retinal scan right, the one with the eyes?’’
‘’No, a sexual scan. The one with your balls.’’
Hassam ran backwards, lifted off his jeans and underwear then elevated himself by the panel bars.
‘’Sexual scan complete.’’ The female digital voice accepted.
The door opened and both agents jumped inside. Hassam closed the door behind him then saw two assault rifles pointed at him.
‘’Oh thank God.’’ Deepika said. ‘’I thought there were Pathans.’’
‘’Hey!’’ Obaid minded that himself being a Pathan. ‘’You racist.’’
‘’Who’s he?’’ Deepika asked still aiming the gun at the sitting Abdullah.
‘’Lower your weapon Deepika. He’s just an anal-yst.’’ Hassam said and the three laughed.
‘’Seriously that’s not even a bit hilarious.’’ Abdullah defended his sanity.
‘’Listen guys our government has officially launched Ghost Photoshop.’’ Hassam announced. ‘’Meaning that in one week they will change our genders and make us all she-males because it’s easier than making us disappear. So whoever wants to quit and officially walk the USA’s streets feeling like a he/she can raise their hand right now.’’
Obaid’s dick suddenly got raised. ‘’ Sorry whenever my hot Math teacher used to tell me to raise my hand something elese of mine rose.’’
The 3 of them did not disagree with the mission.
‘’Okay so as far as we know the briefcase holding man in the Kremlin is the Russian terrorist leader Ahsan.’’ Agent Hassam announced after doing research. ‘’We must find the place where he plans to launch the missile.’’
‘’Could be Pakistan.’’ Deepika said.
‘’You were right she is racist.’’ Abdullah told Obaid.
‘’Sources tell me that the blonde bitch and the Russian terrorist Ahsan’s right hand man Bilawal will be meeting at the Burj Khalifa.’’ Hassam told them. ‘’Our mission is to find out what they are planning and capture them. Listen everybody, especially you Deepika, no one should be killed before questioning.
Chapter5
Dubai, UAE.
The four agents were riding on a Land Cruiser on their way to Burj Khalifa the next morning. They were on the sandy road leading to the Khalifa tower.
‘’Look guys camels.’’ Deeoika said pointing outside.
‘’Look guys a guy’s head stuck between a camel’s buttocks.’’ Obaid said.
‘’Who the fuck did that?’’ Hassam asked.
‘’That’s my son-in-law.’’ Abdullah explained. ‘’I told my daughter to just shove that son of bitch’s head up a camel. But I meant divorce him not literally do it!’’
They reached the Khalifa tower and took the elevator to a room in the middle floor.
‘’Okay now above is the room that I should go to?’’ Hassam asked.
‘’Oh it’s quite close. It’s on the 130th floor.’’ Obaid said with sarcasm sitting on a leather couch behind his laptop.
‘’And how am I supposed to do that without satellite coverage?’’
‘’Easy let me show you.’’ Obaid got up and took two glasses out of his briefcase. ‘’Okay if one glass sings Juttni when you place it on the window glass that mean you’re OK. But if it sings Chammak Chalo, that gay song, then like Akon you’re-‘’
‘’Black.’’ Deepika completed the sentence.
‘’No racist I mean dead.’’ Obaid said handing him the gloves and another item.
‘’What’s this?’’ Hassam asked eyeing it suspiciously.
‘’It’s a sticky underwear. Same terms and conditions apply.’’
Abdullah and Deepika melted off the sides of the window and placed the glass out. Agent Hassam started climbing up. One hand touched the glass.
‘’Juttni Punjabi…’’ The alive glove started playing.
So Agent Hassam with his gloved hands and buttocks was on his way.
‘’Wanna by my Chammak Chalo-‘’
Agent Hassam let go of one glove and it flew away. Then he reached the room.
‘’Yay I made it! Aaaah!’’ The glove he had taken off had glided back and got stuck on his cock.
‘’Juttni Punjabi…’’’
‘’Please change the fucking track!’’ Hassam yelled as he couldn’t use his other hand.
The glass pressed tighter and tighter around his genitals. A gunshot rang through the air. He saw below him that Agent Abdullah had shot if odd with his sniper.
How can an analyst do that? Hassam thought.
Hassam continued the extraction of the glass. He started to break his way in.
‘’Wanna be my Chammak-‘’
He slid off his underwear and hit the glass with his bare buttocks.
‘’Fuck my bloody ass!’’ Hassam yelled as he landed.
‘’I know mate the landing was gonna be rough. But luckily you had your underwear on.’’ Obaid asked through the communication channel.
‘’Obaid I am so gonna do the unimaginable with you when I get back.’’
He did his job but realized he had only one gloved hand and that he was naked from the lower body.
‘’Hurry up Hassam!’’ Deepika yelled from their room.
‘’Get your ass back here!’’ Abdullah added.
‘’Please don’t say that word.’’ Hassam muttered removing glass shards from his hips.
Then he used a rope attached to a handle inside the room and fell down the 130th floor. He couldn’t reach directly to the room. The rope wasn’t long enough.
‘’This really is turning out to be an asshole of a day!’’ Abdullah exclaimed disapprovingly.
‘’I said don’t use that word!’’ Hassam ran around the building.
He jumped towards his room and landed directly inside.
‘’You did it.’’ Abdullah said proudly patting his back.
Deepika was making muffled noises. Hassam had landed with his balls inside her mouth.
‘’Guys we’ve got to get away.’’ Obaid told them. ‘’The mask can’t be made. You two have to meet the person dressed as yourselves. And that also means that Hassam needs a fresh pair of underwear.’’
‘’Exactly.’’ Hassam said.
He and Abdulla left the room with Obaid standing without his lower body attire.
‘’Fuck you mate!’’ He shouted after them.
The plan had gone terribly wrong. Bilawal found out that the two agents were imposters and he was running away with the codes.
Abdullah heard a gunshot and was heading to their rented room. He found Deepika fighting with the blonde bitch and Obaid knocked unconscious on the toilet seat with the MacBook on his lap.
‘’Stop or I’ll shoot.’’ Abdullah had the pistol raised.
Deepika knocked the blonde bitch out of the window in self-defence. Then she held onto her to not let her fall.
‘’Did you catch her?’’ Abdullah asked reaching Deepika.
She stood up, ‘’no but I caught these.’’
A plastic boob-set was in her grasp.
‘’Oh man. I thought those were real.’’
Agent Hassam saw Bilawal running out of the Burj.
‘’Hello Gand Gando leader.’’ The detective held a gun on Hassam’s back.
‘’I’m sorry I have to do this.’’ He gave him a backwards head-butt then kicked him off the escalator then ran after Bilawal.
He saw him running into the forest. A sandstorm was heading towards the Khalifa tower.
‘’How often does a sandstorm occur here?’’ He asked an Emirati who was getting ready to leave in his red Ferrari.
‘’La habibi. That’s not a sandstorm. It’s a shitstorm. Some chemical got mixed up in the sewer and an explosion happened.’’ He explained.
Hassam ran through the forest. He saw Bilawal running a little distance ahead. The shitstorm suddenly struck him on the face. He couldn’t see but he could sure smell.
He put on his goggles and ran after Bilawal. They landed between arrays of bazaars. Bilawal took a traditional men’s scarf and put it around his face. Hassam took a burka and wore it while running.
‘’First time I’ve seen a woman run after a man like that.’’ Shahwath told his friend Mahmood while dialing Nisar’s Mustafa’s number to inform him on adding this to a story.
They reached a road and Hassam tailed Bilawal’s stolen car with his stolen motorcycle. He jumped from a slope and landed on the car’s roof.
He punched him on the face then grabbed it. Suddenly Hassam saw a group of camels coming up on his side. He let go of Bilawal just in time to miss the entry point of the camel’s ass. He stared up to see the piece of rubber in his hand. The man he had chased wasn’t Bilawal. In the car Ahsan took off his mask grinning.
Chapter6
‘’That went fucked.’’ Obaid yelled inside the Land Cruiser’s driver seat.
‘’Look we all just need to calm the fuck down.’’ Abdullah told them raising his palms.
‘’Where’s the fake piece of tits I gave you?’’ Deepika asked Abud.
‘’I threw them away bitch. I don’t need a fetish (sexual addiction) to come like your racist self.’’
‘’I just found out there’s a businessman trying to help the Russian terrorists.’’ Obaid declared browsing his laptop. ‘’He has the codes to open the briefcase.’’
‘’Tell me he’s not in Mumbai.’’ Hassam said.
‘’Why?’’
‘’’Cause I don’t want to go to Mumbai from Dubai. I mean did fucking poets write the original screenplay?’’
‘’We’re not going there. Were actually going to a more convenient location.’’
Chapter7
Chittagong, Bangladesh.
Hassam and Deepika attended the party the billionaire was hosting.
‘’Okay all you’ve got to do is seduce him to get the codes.’’ Hassam told her.
‘’You say that like it’s easy. Why don’t you do it.’’ She asked.
‘’I’m not gay. And neither is he. You can do this go shake your skinny ass.’’
She winked at the billionaire as she passed him to the bar. He started walking up to her.
‘’Yeah you got him girl.’’ Hassam told her through the mic.
Agent Abud was inside the computer system’s hardware section.
‘’Okay now you’re gonna jump down.’’ Obaid told him through the mic. ‘’The fan’s off now and I’ll catch you.’’
‘’Then I’m fucked.’’ Abdullah jumped down and almost hit the sharp middle point of the fan in the middle.
‘’Aaah!’’ The Bangladeshi businessman yelled.
Deepkia had mistakenly squeezed his cock between her fingers in panic.
‘’I’m safe guys.’’ Abdullah said through his mic.
She released her hand.
‘’You almost blew it up.’’ The businessman said. ‘’That’s how I like my ladies.’’
‘’That’s nice Saimul.’’
‘’Oh please call me Muli. You Mili ka Paratha.’’
He left her at the bar with an IPhone. The mobile rang some seconds later.
‘’Hello?’’ She answered.
‘’Don’t you feel cold? ‘Cause I am feeling hot. All Bangladeshis are hot.’’
‘’You want me to find you?’’
‘’Yes a little hide-and-seek.’’
A hand touched him on the shoulder. He turned around to find her stretching in front of him. ‘’Please let me show you my arse collection. The most famous and probably only arse collection in the world.’’
‘’Is she playing her part?’’ Obaid asked through their communication channel.
‘’Yeah I wish Saimul does his.’’ Hassam gave a bad joke.
‘’Why is the party sounding so boring down there?’’
‘’Well, ‘cause everyone has fallen asleep watching the Pakistan vs. Bangladesh test match. Good thing I’m high or I swear I would also doze off.’’
Deepika entered a long hallway flourished by golden lights. On the walls were various paintings.
‘’This is my naked arse.’’ Saimul said pointing to one painting.
‘’Looks very umm… hairy.’’ Deepika said.
‘’Oh exactly the painting would’ve been completely black if I hadn’t used flash on my arse.’’
‘’Okay.’’
‘’This is my arse when shaved.’’
‘’Yuck.’’
‘’This is my arse when opened.’’
‘’WTF!’’
‘’And this is my-‘’
‘’Okay stop Muli let’s go fuck in the bedroom.’’ She grabbed him by the suit collar and took him inside the room at the far end.
‘’Oho are we going to do it?’’ Saimul asked jumping like a KG kid.
‘’Yeah you look like you haven’t lost your virginity.’’
‘’I haven’t!’’
Deepika turned around to communicate through the mic. ‘’Seriously I can’t fuck a new-to-sex guy. I made the last one scream like a baby.’’
‘’Just do it,’’ Hassam whispered.
She turned to see Saimul jumping out of his 500-dollar shoes and humming a song.
‘’It’s my fuck day. We’re gonna party like it’s my fuck-day. What the fuck!’’ He saw the unimaginable standing in front of him.
Deeika had removed her clothes. She was a she-male. ‘’I made the last boy cry.’’
She tossed him on the bed and started digging through his ass. ‘’Paint a picture of this!’’
‘’Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!’’ He cried.
The terrorists were running a virus through the computer system. Abdullah had just gotten out of it. He couldn’t dismantle the missile from the interior in time.
‘’Fuck that. Next time I’m doggystyling the rich guy!’’ He shouted when outside.
‘’Quickly Deepika tell him to give up the codes.’’ Hassam ordered.
‘’He can’t speak right now.’’ She had her cock through his mouth.
‘’Deepika!’’
She took it out and held his face to come on it. ‘’Tell me the briefcase codes or I’ll make you Fair and Handsome.’’
‘’420!’’
‘’I got that.’’ Hassam said waiting for Deepika to join him in the party hall.
Deepika smacked her cock against Saimul’s face. ‘’So ja Muli.’’ She said in Hindi.
Chapter8
They took a BMW Hybrid and stopped when they saw the terrorists walking out of the computer place.
‘’Okay how did this car land up in Chittagong?’’ Hassam asked leaving the vehicle.
‘’It’s their BMW meaning Bengali Machli Wala.’’ Deepika replied and chased Bilawal into the computer place.
Hassam followed Ahsan into a factory. A factory that manufactured toilets automatically. He saw the terrorist run up the staircase and hit Hassam on the ass with the briefcase when he had reached.
‘’Fuck my ass!’’ Hassam yelled rubbing his hips.
‘’You’re too late American we’ve already launched the missile.’’ Ahsan said with a devilish grin.
Hassam ran up to him and gave him an RKO ON A TOILET. Then Ahsan gave him a choke slam on another commode.
‘’Hi this is Shahwath with Mahmood.’’ Shahwath announced from the bottom floor through his microphone.
‘’Who do you think will win this match Shahwath?’’ Mahmood asked through his.
‘’Well it looks a Hell in a Well match so let’s see.’’
Hassam placed Ahsan’s face inside a toilet seat and did a perfect 619. Ahsan got up and ran to the edge of the platform.
‘’No!’’ Hassam yelled as Ahsan gave him a wink then jumped six floors down, dead.
‘’Here I go!’’ Hassam sat on a commode and jumped down. ‘’Fuck my ass!’’
He landed with his ass fractured but the toilet seat was made of white gold so it was fine.
He opened the briefcase with the codes Saimul had given and pressed the shiny red STOP button. ‘’Mission accomplished!’’
The timer did not stop running.
‘’Mission accomplished!’’
The timer was still running and the missile was just some miles away from destroying one state of the USAE.
‘’How do I start this up?’’ Deepika asked Obaid on how to fix the electricity of the computer system.
‘’Like this.’’ He pushed her into the control panel and she got fried like a KFC drum stick but the power came back on.
‘’What did you do that for?’’ Abdullah asked after shooting Bilawal dead.
‘’Relax she’s alive I just put those fake tits you guys stole to act as a current to produce electricity.’’
Five seconds remained on the timer.
‘’Mission fucked!’’ He slammed his palm down on the red button.
The timer had stopped with three seconds remaining.
‘’So we meet again Gand Gando leader.’’ The detective said entering the building with the Hungarian police.
‘’I just helped save the world you dumbass.’’ Hassam explained. ‘’And get me a stretcher I can’t feel my ass!’’
Aftermath
Seattle, America.
The four agents were sitting on restaurant benches outside drinking beer.
‘’I have a secret to reveal.’’ Abdullah told Hassam. ‘’I’m a field agent not an anal-yst.’’
The others started laughing but stopped after seeing his serious expression.
‘’I was assigned to protect your wife.’’
‘’Oh she’s alive. She was just out to see Nisar Mustafa’s Ghost Photoshop.’’ Hassam explained.
‘’What the fuck!? I told her if she’d be gone five seconds I would state that she’s missing.’’
Everyone except Hassam left the table going their separate ways. The hero though he saw his wife going inside Baskin Robbins. But when he came closer he realized it was a long-haired man.
‘’Oh shit I really need to put my glasses back on.’’ And so he put on his goggles.
The phone rang as he started walking to the bridge.
‘’Agent Hassam a new mission has proposed itself.’’ The message said.
‘’I’m listening.’’ Hassam replied.
‘’A group of terrorist know as the Hot Bangladeshis have captured your wife. Their leader is Saimul AKA Muli who wants to exchange one of your teammates who gave him ass cancer...’’
Hassam disappeared into the fog spread over the bridge. Then the Mission Possible theme song began playing.
-The End?-
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