3 Bakras

Nisar Sufi’s

3 Bakras

Plot

Three friends namely Shahwath (Shava), Saimul and Rehan find their bags tied together in a classroom. They must unloosen the bags before Math class.

Chapter1

7:40 AM, assembly.

  Arabic prayer then English prayer then Pathan roti.

  ‘’Why this Pathan roti Cheap?...’’ Obaidullah started singing on the stage.

  ‘’Racism!’’ Abid Sir shouted near the stage.

  Ms. Cecily approached Obaid after five minutes of climbing up the steps in her uncomfortable sari.

  ‘’I will not tolerate this kind of behavior inside this school.’’ Cecily explained then gave such a long lecture that it reached the assembly endtime.

  ‘’OK boys.’’ Mustafa Sir started. ‘’Gaand gave me two rears. Pathan roti I do not want-u hear it-u. Assembly disperse-u.’’

  ‘’Kya lodu assembly thi yaar.’’ Shahwath remarked to Umair.

  Rehan approached the two whilst they were heading out of the girls’ play area.

  ‘’Main samjha Mustafa ne kaha Oye lodus I’m singing song’.’’ Rehan joked.

  Neither of his friends laughed.

  ‘’Dekh ab mock exams sir pe hai tu apni bukvaas bund kar.’’ Saimul told him angrily.

  ‘’Oye kisi ne humare 3 harami dost dekhe hai?’’

Chapter2

Shahwath, Rehan and Saimul entered the classroom to find their bags tied together on the teacher’s table.

  ‘’Lund mera!’’ Shahwath expressed his usual expression.

  ‘’Ye tho 3some ho gaya!’’ Rehan exclaimed.

  Saimul said nothing as he was busy thinking of which country to go to for higher studies.

  Rehan thought of a plan. They hid inside the room until the culprits would arrive.

  Suddenly, Rehan jumped out from behind the class door.

  ‘’Pakar liya!’’ He exclaimed in victory.

  He got a slap from the Filipino librarian who ass he had accidentally grabbed. 

  ‘’Yaar ye tho apna bra sahi thara nahi baand sakthi – bag kya baande gi?’’ Saimul scolded as she left the room.

  Shava told them to follow him to the washroom where they might be hiding.

Chapter3

The three bakras were coming back defeated to the classroom.

  ‘’Tujhe ye nahi pata ke AJ main ek girls’ ka washroom bhi ho tha hai?’’ Shava asked Rehan sarcastically.

  ‘’Main tho beech wale main waraa.’’

  ‘’Iss ka matlab hamere school main kusre bhi hai?’’ Saimul asked curiously.

  Rehan opened the door and found Ali and Waqas tightening the grips on the locks.

  ‘’Ye tum haramzadon ne kyun kiya?!’’ Muli questioned.

  ‘’Yaar wo asal mein ek video competition hai Dubai mein.’’ Waqas explained.

  ‘’Salaam.’’ Hassam greeted them as he was making a vid on his Blackberry.

  ‘’Chal main kol ke dekha tha hu.’’ Shahwath shredded his muscles so much the sleeves of his shirt got ripped.

  But when he tried to rip the locks uski khud pat gayi.

  Then Saimul tried by using his teeth. By tonight he’d need braces.

  Rehan used Bengali oil but to no results.

  ‘’OK tho bata bhi do inn chutiyon ko kaise kol thay hain!?’’ Shava finally inquired.

  ‘’Ek timer hai table pe attaching the locks.’’ Ali said. ‘’Ab jab thak ye audio-enabled timer ek particular gaane ko nahi suntha phir nahi kule ga.’’

  ‘’Konsa gaana?!’’ All 3 Bakras asked together.

  Waqas ne radio nikala. ‘’Ye Babu ka tha.’’

  The song started playing:

 ‘’ O Khaike Naswar Waziristan Wala

Khuli jaaye tight gaand ka tala

Phir to Phatan aise andr daal

Ulta kar ke sab ki gaand

O lora Taliban base wala

O lora Taliban base wala

Arrey roti jaan kaisi bhenchod pe dal gaye haai haai

Kahan mera lund iss chood ki sooli pe char gaya haai haai

Kaisa chota mota mera lund kaisa bara hathora

Jaane kon tatti mein pad gaye Afhgani logon se paala

Chudi wi chud se chudi wi chud se hua halaal

Ek kaali bandri humri gori surat per mer gayi haai haai haai

Ek khoti muth hamre lund pe nikaal gayi haai haai

Kaisi kaali kaali choodi choodi chori wah wah

Kaisi kaali kaali choodi choodi chori wah wah

Karke jorajori kar gayi humre tattoo ki chori

Mili kaali to mili haali tho hua nihaal

Lora Taliban base wala o lora Taliban base wala

Lora Taliban base wala o lora Taliban base wala…’’

  The locks were automatically opened. Obaid entered the room. 

  ‘’Azmat Sir is almost here to take Math. Hide those chootiyas!’’ He warned.

  The radio and mobile phone was hidden when Azmat Sir entered. 

  ‘’I heard a racist song playing.’’ He said. ‘’Obaid come with me.’’

  He held him by the ear to Cecily’s room. Next day Obaidullah was deported to Waziristan Prison.

  Moral of the story: Sirf Pathan hi dusre Pathan ki paar saktha hai.

-The End?-