Thor (2011) Parody

Thor – The Mighty parody

Plot

Thorn is sentenced to Earth for disobeying his father’s order. Now, he must adapt to the human way until he gets a chance to return.

Intro

‘’What’s that?’’ Amanda asked her colleagues.

  They were in their van loaded with science experimental stuff in the desert. The inside of the vehicle looked like a prototype for Area 51.

  ‘’Maybe a rainbow.’’ Professor Abdullah said.

  ‘’No dumbass there ain’t no rainbows at night.’’ Amanda told him.

  ‘’Behave Amanda.’’ Natalie said pushing hair away from her face. ‘’Let’s get a closer look.’’ She slammed her foot hard on the pedal.

  ‘’Wait Natalie-‘’ Abdullah screamed and almost fell down when the van was engaged in full speed.

  There a huge cylinder of dusty wind miles in front of them. A rainbow color was showing up inside.

  Natalie intended to get closer to it but the force of the wind pulled them inside.

  ‘’What the fuck!?’’ Abud screamed as their van was sliding round and round.

  A large thud sound made them all jump. The vehicle swiftly slid to a stop.

  ‘’I think you hit somebody.’’ Amanda declared.

  ‘’Thank you Ms. Obvious.’’ Natalie and her friends ran outside.

  A figure was on the sandy ground lying on its side. Natalie quickly bent down and turned him to face her.

  ‘’Are you alright?’’ Natalie asked drenched in perspiration and fright. ‘’Are you hurt?’’

  ‘’I think the question you should be asking,’’ Professor Abdullah said adjusting his horn-rimmed spectacles. ‘’Where the fuck did he come from!?’’

Chapter1

The city was a marvelous sight. It looked like Venice built up in the skies with even more beauty to it. The walls of the King’s Palace were literally made of gold.

  ‘’Thorn, Gayden’s son.’’ The King announced on his might throne.

  Thorn had just finished a historic battle alongside his warrior friends. He was walking through the path that led directly to his father.

  Many a crowd was gathered around him. All were cheering and congratulating their future king.

  Thorn at last met his father’s eyes and kneeled down before him.

   ‘’Thorn, do you swear to save this city from violence and rapes? And also that you will not rape and hot woman you see?’’ Gayden asked.

  ‘’I swear,’’ Thorn said hitting his hammer lightly against his chest.

  ‘’Do you swear to not let any homosexual get hurt and not become gay in the process.’’ 

  ‘’I swear.’’ He replied repeating the action.

  ‘’Then I crown-‘’

  An alarm rang through the enormous hall. Gayden and his son exchanged looks before they went off to the source.

  Two ladies wearing loose black veils were fleeing with a prized possession. Gayden told them to stop and they turned around revealing that the fronts of their outfits were unbuttoned.

  ‘’Must say Father. Do we really have to slay them?’’ Thorn asked staring hungrily at the flesh before him.

  The woman shrieked and their bodies burnt into flames. They were not mere females.

  Gayden threw his staff through one of them, retrieved it and did the same thing to the other demon. The Fire Box fell to the floor.

  Thorn noticed that two guard were lying naked on the sides, dead.

  ‘’Father who were those two hot-I mean sizzling-I mean demons?’’ Thorn asked.

  ‘’They were the Fire Bitches, Ass-Guard’s greatest enemies.’’ Gayden said sadly picking up the box. ‘’I banished them from Earth and took away their power source.’’

  ‘’Then we must fight back.’’ Thorn said raising the hammer over his head. ‘’For Ass-Guard!’’

  ‘’No Thorn.’’ His father shook his head. ‘’There will be no war against these abominations.’’

Chapter2

Thorn and his four friends were meeting in their private lounge. The future king was pacing back and forth angrily.

  ‘’It is not our fight Thorn.’’ Hot-ass said putting a hand over his shoulder.

  ‘’No, we must engage in battle with the Fire Bitches.’’ Thorn told her. ‘’Join me my friends. You Fat-ass, I will give you all the AFC chickens you desire. You Skinny-ass will be given any weapon you choose to yield. And you Beardy will finally get a blade that will cut your facial and pubic hair.’’

  His pals raised their weapons and glasses saying ‘For Ass-Guard.’ Thorn knew he could count on his buddies in a battle.

‘’Let us pass Obama,’’ Thorn demanded.

  Obama was the guard to the traveling place. He was under direct order from Gayden and them. Obama nodded and gave way for them to enter.

  ‘’Thorn wait!’’ A familiar voice called from behind.

  A young lad riding a horse leaped onto the bridge. He looked gay.

   ‘’’Bohnsri what are you doing here?’’ His elder brother asked.

  ‘’My brother I wish to aid you on this quest.’’ The young man replied.

  ‘’Well, just don’t give us Aids.’’ Fat-ass said.

  The five of them proceeded to be transported.

Chapter3

The Fire Realm was an exact replica of hell. Everything was either burning or burned. The five of them went to the palace coughing because of the smoke.

  ‘’Fire Queen we have come here to set things straight!’’ Thorn declared.

  A hot woman with silky black hair sat on the large throne. Her eyes were red and her legs were tanned underneath her robe.

  ‘’Thorn have we come here to fight or fuck them?’’ Skinny-ass asked lustily.

  ‘’Oh mighty and sexy Thorn.’’ The queen said. ‘’Why have you come all the way here. It isn’t Valentine’s Day yet.

  ‘’I’ve come here to warn you that if you or any or your slutty kind ever come into Ass-Guard again, I will smite all of you.’’ Thorn told her.

  His teammates noticed other Fire Bitches revealing themselves from the shadows. But Thorn was not afraid.

  ‘’Okay whatever you say.’’ Fire Queen said.

  Thorn smirked then turned around to leave.

  ‘’Pussy.’’ The Queen muttered.

  ‘’Oh no,’’ Bohnsri whispered.

  Thorn turned around and slammed his hammer against the Fire Queen’s fiery milky breasts. She flew backwards into a wall.

  The battle began. Bohnsri used his magic to kill the Bitches while the others used brutal force.

  ‘’Hey Skinny-ass Beardy is being attacked.’’ Fat-ass called.

  He saw Skinny-ass fucking a Fire Bitch to death!

  Suddenly, a huge beam of light from above distracted all of them. Gayden’s horse shattered the ground when it landed.

‘’I can’t believe you didn’t let us kill them all Father.’’ Thorn said.

  ‘’Everybody out!’’ Gayden told his other son and the warriors.

  ‘’You aren’t fit to be a king. You gave the ugly women to the guards this is why they got seduced by the Fire Bitches. You have one eye and one ball!’’

  Gayden looked at his son furiously and he got scared. The King raised his mighty palm.

  ‘’I strip you of your hammer and your strength.’’ Gayden forced everything away from his except his shiny gold underwear.

  A vortex opened behind Thorn and he was pulled inside.

  ‘’Whoever possess Thorn’s balls shall wield this hammer.’’ Gayden spat on the metal and threw it into the vortex following Thorn’s departure.

Chapter4

…Professor Abdullah said adjusting his horn-rimmed spectacles. ‘’Where the fuck did he come from!?’’

  Thorn suddenly sat up like The Undertaker. He was groaning in pain with his hands on his crotch.

  ‘’I think you busted his balls.’’ Amanda told Natalie.

  ‘’Where am I?’’ Thorn asked getting up.

  ‘’Um… California.’’ Abud told him rolling his eyes.

  ‘’Do not look at me that way human.’’ Thorn told him. ‘’I am the Mighty Thorn of Ass-Guard.’’

  ‘’Well, you’re more like a thorn in the ass.’’ Amanda told him.

  ‘’Look son we’ve got to get you to a hospital.’’ Abud took hold of Thorn to keep him from collapsing.

  He led him to the van despite hearing whispers of himself being a mere human.

  ‘’Ahhh!’’ Thorn fell down face-burst.

  ‘’Now who’s gonna lift him?’’ Abud asked with his hands on his sides.

  Amanda had slammed the door accidentally into Thorn’s crotch.

Thorn was in a hospital bedroom about to be sedated. He woke up to see what looked like a thousand horrid faces shining in the fluorescent lights. 

  ‘’Get your hands off of me!’’ He started dropping ever surgeon and nurse.

  He met a Chinese nurse near the door. ‘’I am the Mighty Thorn of Ass-Guard.’’

  ‘’And I have a mighty black belt.’’ She said and landed a sharp kick underneath his ball-sack.

Chapter5

The next day…

‘’We’re here to meet a patient.’’ Abdullah told the hospital receptionist.

  ‘’Name?’’ She asked.

  ‘’We don’t know. He kinda looks like the masculine version of Goldilocks.’’

  ‘’Oh, he left a couple of minutes ago.

The three colleagues entered the van.

  ‘’He could’ve known something about the storm.’’ Natalie said disappointingly and reversed the car.

  It hit something or someone hard. They all got out and saw Thorn on the ground with his hands on his balls, out cold.

‘’So how do you intend to go back to your umm…realm?’’ Abdullah asked.

  They were at a local café.

  ‘’This drink is delicious.’’ He threw the cup onto the floor shattering it. ‘’One more!’’

  ‘’Hey-sorry for that.’’ Natalie told the waitress who began cleaning it up. ‘’This isn’t your world so behave.’’

  ‘’Okay then,’’ Thorn took Natalie’s cup off the table.

  He drank it in one gulp and smashed it onto the waitress’s aged tits. She fell unconscious on the floor.

  Amanda was hearing a conversation about a hammer just come out of nowhere. ‘’Thorn I think I know where your hammer.’’

‘’They turned the hammer into a structure?’’ Thorn asked with surprised eyes.

  He and Natalie were standing in front of a motel.

  ‘’No dumbass. Your hammer must’ve landed somewhere inside.’’ Natalie explained.

  Thorn smelled the air. ‘’Yes I can smell it.’’

  He began running to the entrance with Natalie far behind him. They entered the basement and then Thorn opened a door at the far end.

  ‘’Come here ham-‘’ Thorn realized he wasn’t looking at his weapon of choice.

  A truck driver was seated on the toilet seat with a newspaper in his grasp.

  ‘’What the-‘’

  The man had no time to finish his sentence as Thorn grabbed him and threw him to the other side of the room. Shit drops on the floor made Natalie realize he was shitting.

  ‘’I see it.’’ Thorn said with his eyes glistening against the single bulb’s light.

  ‘’No wait I really think you should flush first.’’ Natalie recommended.

  But Thorn didn’t listen and sank his hand inside the toilet. He tried pulling out the hammer with shit up to his arms. He opened his mouth to scream ignoring the brown things jumping into his friggin’ pie-hole!

  Finally, he gave up. Thorn didn’t have the balls to lift the metal up.

  ‘’Thorn I’m sorry but I have just one thing to say to you.’’ She said coming up behind him. ‘’Don’t forget to take a goddamn shower!’’

Chapter6

The next morning…

  Thorn was watching a music video on MTV titled F..k you B…h . ‘’What does that phrase mean?’’ He asked Natalie.

  ‘’You say that to somebody you’re about to smite.’’  Natalie explained.

  ‘’It is strange that so many black people are singing. In Ass-Guard no black man can even speak.’’

  She slapped him hard across the face.

  ‘’What was that for?’’

  ‘’Racism.’’

  The doorbell rang. Abdullah opened the door to let four people dressed in circus clothes enter.

  ‘’My friends!’’ Thorn ran to them and embraced them in a warm hug.

  ‘’Who is the slut you were in bed with?’’ Hot-ass asked jealously.

  ‘’Oh no she’s a friend. And we were sitting on the sofa.’’ 

  ‘’Thorn you must come back to Ass-Guard.’’ Fat-ass told him. ‘’Bohnsri is tearing the kingdom apart.’’

  ‘’I cannot my friends.’’ He turned away from them. ‘’Bohnsri is your king now. I just wish my father was not dead because of me.’’

  ‘’Thorn your father is alive.’’ Beardy said.

  Thorn suddenly realized that Bohnsri had been lying last night. He had come to visit Thorn alone and told his that their father had passed away from sorrow.

  A loud disastrous noise outside startled all of them. Bohnsri’s 10-feet silver-plated robot was emitting flames from its eye-sockets and killing innocent civilians.

  ‘’Bohnsri stop.’’ Thorn stood in front of the robot. ‘’If you want to kill anybody. It should be me.’’

   The robot shrugged its shoulders and blew Thorn away and he landed near his group. The robot turned around and started walking.

  ‘’No Thorn don’t leave me,’’ Natalie said raising his head up.

  Thorn raised his hand to touch her face but the hammer came into his hold. A thunder shook in the sky above as Thorn was revealed through the lightning smoke with his gear and hammer.

  The robot had defeated three of his friends.

  ‘’Hey Bohnsri!’’ Hot-ass called.

  The robot looked to his side at Hot-ass showing her naked hot ass.

  Suddenly, Thorn same like a thunderbolt from above. Fuck you Bitch!’’ He swung his hammer taking off the robot’s head.

Chapter7

‘’Brother this has gone too far for far too long.’’ Thorn said having returned to the travelling place.

  He saw Obama lying dead on the floor.

  ‘’You look like you’ve finally lost your virginity.’’ Bohnsri said.

  ‘’Yes, I had sex with Natalie-that is not the matter! You must return father’s staff and exile the Fire Bitches.’’

  ‘’I’m afraid we must finish this off with a duel.’’

  Thorn and Bohnsri fought. Bohnsri used Gayden’s staff to push his brother out of the travelling place and onto the bridge.

  ‘’You cannot stop me brother,’’ Bohnsri said. ‘’I will destroy all the other worlds so that Ass-Guard will be the only world left.’’

  The staff all of a sudden flew out of Bohnsri’s hand. Gayden had arrived on his horse and the staff was placed back his able grasp.

  ‘’Still even both of you cannot stop me.’’ Bohnsri said with his chin up and smiling. ‘’The only way to stop the destruction is to destroy the key which is placed under my ball-sack. I and the bridge will also be destroyed.’’

  ‘’’So be it.’’ Thor swung the hammer like a boomerang onto his brother’s balls. ‘’Bohnsri ke!’’

  An enormous explosion occurred with a blinding light that shone all over Ass-Guard.

Aftermath

‘’I am sorry that you cannot meet her ever again.’’ Gayden told his son placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

  ‘’I just wish that she is following her dream and listening to black people sing.’’ Thorn said smiling hopefully.

  ‘’Thorn’’, he heard his name called from behind.

  The king and prince turned around to face a black guy in a black suit wearing an eye-patch,

  ‘’How the fuck did you get here?’’ Thorn asked.

  ‘’And how can you speak?’’ Gayden added.

  ‘’My name is Nick Chudi.’’ He said outstretching his hand. ‘’I would like you to star in Nisar Mustafa’s The Avengers Parody.’’

-The End?-