Plot
Hassan is being interrogated by two unknown people. But will they figure out what actually happened at the attempted Sachin Tendulkar assassination?
Intro
‘’Wh-where am I?!’’ Hassan exclaimed waking up.
‘’Your name is Hassan.’’ A hoarse voice said. ‘’What was your last mission?’’
‘’Fucking your mom!’’
Zzz.
‘’Fuck!’’ Hassan cried.
‘’If you don’t tell us we’ll burn your ass again.’’
‘’It’s all in-in the fucking alphabets!’’
Zzz.
‘’Okay, I’ll tell you!’’
Chapter1
30 March 2011
‘’We were at Nisar’s house to watch the Pakistan-India World Cup semi-final.’’ Hassan narrated.
In the flashback, six teenagers were seen watching the screen in front of them. They were sitting in dark-brown leather sofas.
‘’The decision is Not Out.’’ One of the commentators announced from the TV broadcast.
‘’First show the fucking replay,’’ Hassan said.
‘’I bet they didn’t increase Ajmal’s spin in the Hawk-eye.’’ Saimul suggested.
Nisar give an evil smile. ‘’You had betted 500 Dirhams that Bangladesh would beat India in the first match.’’
‘’Shut up you dicks they’re showing the pussy-eye.’’ Zainab said clutching Hassan’s dick-um-arm tightly.
‘’You mean Hawk-eye right?’’ Hassan teased.
The Hawk-eye showed the ball spinning at such an angle that even Shane Warne’s father couldn’t accomplish.
Suddenly, Zainab fainted on top of Hassan’s shoulder.
‘’Zainab wake up,’’ Hassan tugged at her hair gently. ‘’If Sachin makes a century we’re bound to win.’’
‘’Oh shit she’s dead!’’ Saimul shouted jumping up.
‘’Hassan was the butter popcorn mixed with your butter?’’ Hassam asked also getting up.
‘’If her throat is clogged we must urinate in her mouth.’’ Nisar explained.
The trio removed their zippers and peed in her open mouth as Hassan watch in horror.
Chapter2
‘’What happened after that incident?’’ The hoard voice asked.
Hassan saw moving screens lined up in front of him along with an old TV set. All the screens reflected his bloody face.
He was tied up on a chair with his wrists bound by straps.
‘’The alphabets-I keep hearing them in my head,’’ Hassan said closing his eyes trying to block out the headache.
‘’What did you do next?’’
‘’I-I…’’
Chapter3
The flashback led to a room very dark and the two figures standing in the middle were almost unnoticeable.
‘’A for my Ass.’’ The blonde woman said sweating.
Hassan was fucking her from behind and both were standing up.
‘’B for your Bitch. C for your Come.’’ She continued in alphabetical order.
Chapter4
‘’No, what was your last mission?’’ The voice asked again.
Hassan saw that two people were standing behind the door at the end of the room. The figures’ faces were shadows in the small silver-shaded window on the top side of the door.
‘’Fuck-the alphabets!’’ Hassan cried trying to break free.
‘’Oh no, we’re losing him.’’
One of them pushed a button and Hassan’s ass fried due to the seat heating up.
‘’Ah!!!’’
‘’Go back to the adequate memory,’’ The interrogator ordered.
‘’Alright…’’’
Chapter5
Wankhede Stadium, India. 2 April 2011
‘’I had stolen Saimul’s ticket for the World Cup final,’’ Hassan narrated. ‘’Even though he knew no Bangladeshis weren’t allowed in the stadium,’’
People were in a line leading to the stadium seats.
‘’Finally I’m gonna get myself a bitch,’’ A bearded Afghani teenager said joyfully standing behind Hassan.
‘’Obaid we’re here to blow up the pitch not to get a bitch.’’ Hassan reminded him.
An Indian woman in front of him looked over her shoulder with angry eyes.
‘’Sachin rocks,’’ Hassan said.
She smiled then shifted her stare to the front.
‘’Why did you say that?’’ Obaid asked in a low voice.
‘’To prove that I’m Indian,’’ Hassan whispered back.
They took seats at one of the top rows. The air smelled of shit and the pitch was as yellow as urine.
‘’Smells like Sachin’s hair,’’ Obaid said blocking his nose with two fingers.
‘’Which shampoo does he advertise?’’ Hassan asked.
‘’Fertilizer for men,’’
After a few hours Sachin was finally standing on the pitch. He began his basic warm-up steps”: wiggling his legs then scratching his crotch.
‘’How long does it take to adjust your guard?’’ Hassan asked impatiently. ‘’No wonder he has 18 kids. His wife didn’t wait five hours for his condom applying.’’
‘’An internet poll voted him the Itchiest Man Alive,’’ Obaid said scratching his own crotch.
‘’That’s reasonable. I heard Indian people voted Himesh Reshammiya the Sexiest Man Alive,’’
Hassan then spread opened a map over their laps. He had two prominent red dots marked on it.
‘’When he enters the Indian team’s changing room you’ll place a bomb in his guard. After the drinks break we’ll blow him to kingdom come using this detonator,’’ Hassan showed his friend a mobile phone that was clearly made in China.
‘’Hey that’s mine,’’ Obaid said trying to snatch it.
Hassan pulled it away. ‘’I know you pay 200 Dirhams for it and it works for 200 hours,’’
‘’But something was destined to go wrong,’’ Hassan continued his narration.
Chapter6
Obaid was inside the changing room. He saw Sachin’s locker. Walking to it, he checked the two objects he was holding.
One was an implanted guard and the other was an itch powder bottle. Obaid jimmied the lock then replaced the guard with the armed one.
‘’Oh shit,’’ Obaid realized his crotch was itchy.
He shook some itch powder over his dick then zipped up his baggy jeans. He heard footsteps coming from nearby. The teenager replaced itch powder bottle in the locker and departed.
‘’Okay, I’m going to blow him up-not blowjob-blow him up.’’ Hassan whispered through his mobile with the detonator in his other hand. ‘’Where are you?’’
He heard the splash of water from the other side. ‘’Taking a piss. That itch powder you gave me really stopped my scratching. Thanks yaar,’’
Hassan’s mind almost popped out of his head. ‘’You used that itch powder?’’
‘’Yeah, so?’’
‘’That’s not itch powder. It’s radioactive gunpowder!’’
Obaid dropped the cell phone from his hand into the toilet. Hassan saw from his seat that everyone on the ground was running away from the flying bullets. Obaid was squirting bullets in urine form that exploded on impact!
Chapter7
‘’The alphabets-ugh!’’ Hassan screamed in agony.
‘’We’re losing him,’’ one of the interrogators said.
The interrogator opened the door and ran to Hassan who was moving so fast in his seat, it looked as if he were getting shocked.
‘’Listen buddy I’m getting you out of this,’’ The interrogator removed the straps and was welcomed with a kick right on the nuts.
He fell down and then Hassan left the screen-filled room. He found himself in one of his high school corridors.
Picture frames of his girlfriend Zainab were hung on the wall. Some of them in cheerleader costumes and the other fully nude.
The ceiling was slowly being lifted away. A sharp wind was blowing throughout the hallway. Hassan opened the door at the end of the hall and entered the principal’s room.
He rested his hand on the principal’s desk. Loud footsteps were heard from behind. The interrogator gave him a punch on the nose just as Hassan turned around.
Chapter8
‘’’Saimul?’’ Hassan asked rubbing his hurt nose. ‘’Did Tendulkar survive?’’
‘’Listen to me yaar,’’ Saimul began. ‘’You weren’t on a mission to kill Sachin Tendulkar. The mission occurred in the later months,’’
‘’But Tendulkar killed my girlfriend-he killed Zainab!’’ Hassan yelled furiously also realizing that the strong wind had finally stopped.
‘’Don’t you get it? There is no Zainab. She was just an illusion created in your mind.’’
‘’What?’’
‘’Somebody planted a chip in your brain. So that we or even you couldn’t find out a disturbing thing you did when you weren’t in Al Ain.’’ Saimul told him.
‘’The alphabets…’’
‘’Yes, what do they mean?’’ Saimul asked.
‘’A for Ass, B for Bitch-‘’
‘’You fucked a CIE examiner!’’ Saimul smiled. ‘’Maybe it’s an English examiner. We have to know her name Hassan. Hassan you must remember her name!’’
‘’D for-D for Dick-Mary Dick- that’s her name!’’ Hassan exclaimed excitedly.
Chapter9
Hassan, Saimul and Obaid were on their way to the CIE administrator’s mansion.
‘’So who did you guys really piss in the mouth?’’ Hassan asked.
They were seated at the back of a helicopter wearing army clothes.
Both Obaid and Saimul looked down at the floor.
‘’We better not tell.’’ Saimul muttered.
‘’Oh, come on. Was it Nisar?’’ Hassan asked hopefully.
‘’Nope, it was you!’’ Obaid laughed his balls out.
They landed behind the mansion in the garden. The three men exited the copter, took out the security guards and entered the mansion.
‘’So she lives in the big place?’’ Obaid asked his two pals.
‘’No, this is her father-in-law’s.’’ Saimul replied.
They found the hot blonde lying on a leather couch listening to opera music.
‘’What’s the meaning of this?’’ She asked them getting up.
‘’We knew what you did. You gave Hassan an A in AS level English as a Second Language and gave the rest of our class E’s.’’ Saimul told her. ‘’ He fucked you and you had to reward him. That is, without anyone including him knowing. So you planted a chip in his skull programming a hot bitch called Zainab.’’
‘’A hot bitch?’’ Could you implant one in my skull after we kill you?’’ Obaid asked hopefully.
‘’I-what?!”
A 50-year old white-haired man with a white French-cut beard entered the main lounge wearing a suit.
‘’Mr. Chikna!?’’ Hassan exclaimed in a frightened tone.
‘’She give Hassan a reward,’’ The CIE administrator said in his chewing-gum accent. ‘’But it was me who planted the chip so that no one else could be aware of the-um-incident.’’
‘’You high-class English grammar a-hole!’’ Hassan exclaimed with fury and started a fight with Mr. Chikna.
Mr. Chikna did some karate moves and kicked Hassan’s ass so hard it almost got fractured.
‘’You could’ve learned these moves if you fucked a Chinese-British examiner,’’ Mr. Chikna mocked the lying-on-the-floor student.
Hassan took out his pistol and shot him on the balls. ‘’I learned this by myself. And when I fucked your daughter-in-law I used Newton’s 3rd Law: To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.’’
Mr. Chikna fell on the carpeted floor-dead.
Aftermath
‘’I think we should kill her first,’’ Hassan said.
‘’No, this is gonna be fun Hassan.’’ Saimul disagreed.
‘’Hurry up you dicks-I got a helicopter to catch.’’
No, please don’t!’’ Mary Dick screamed.
They hastily unzipped their soldier trousers, revealing their Black Cocks, and poured steaming hot semen into the examiner’s mouth clogging her throat.
-The End-
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